Prologues, Addresses,

&c. &c.

..............

A COMIC-SATIRIC ADDRESS,

In the Character of Touchstone, Riding on an Ass.

WRITTEN BY S. KEMBLE, ESQ.

Spoken by Mr. Oxberry.

In times remote, 'fore luxury was known,
Or asses into disrepute were thrown,
This ass had sold at market or at fair,
For such rare parts fall to few asses' share;
Look at my ass-Neddy's a pretty creature,
Examine him, observe his every feature:
His upright long broad ears give to his face
An easy air of fashion, and of grace;
But most of all, this noble Grecian nose,
How like he is to many modern beaux'!
Yet the similitude might more prevail,
Were I to dock his ears and crop his tail;
One thing there is indeed, - Ned's condition
Holds no resemblance to an ass of fashion;
His tailor for his bill can never dun him;
This everlasting grey will still become him.
Your foolish, swaggering, toonish, weak buffoons,
Parade in divers colour'd pantaloons;
The livery Joseph's brethren of old
Gave, when they Joseph into bondage sold.
And thus it is, - that many an ass of ton,
As Joseph was, in bondage vile are thrown.

......

..... ............

Comic-Satiric Address.

................

Neddy's indeed get dirty now and then,
But rub'em, they're as good as new again,
Dyed in the grain, his coat can never fade,
'Tis nature's work, and well she knows her trade.
Upon your learning, Ned, I'll lay no stress,
If not an L.L.D.-you're A.S.S.
A learned pig, we know for once may do,
One learned ass, believe me, would be new;
The thing's impossible, so there's an end,
An ass will always be an ass, my friend.
In life's short journey, Neddy, keep your place,
And don't stare modest females out of face;
Never pursue a maid to her undoing,
Let no she ass accuse you of her ruin;
'Mongst men (tho' common) those things we contemn,
Let them ape you, but pray don't you ape them.
And now your catechism, Neddy, 'tis not long,
And I'll, to please you, shape it in a song;
Plain answer make to every question pray,
And what you can't pronounce, why you may bray :
He's sometimes stubborn tho', and takes the pet,
And then I act the ass in the duett,
Yet still I'll prove by rule, that he's content,
My rule is this, his silence gives consent.

DUETT,

TUNE.-"All among the leaves so green O!"

In each calling and each trade,

Men are daily asses made,

From the great man now in place,

Wearing garter, star, or lace,

To the ass in place before,

Who is now kick'd out of door,

All among the leaves so green O!

Comic-Srtiric Address,

...... ...........

(Speaks.) Don't it Neddy; -(Brays.)
There, ladies and gentlemen, he says yes, as plain as he can.

High-down, ho-down,

Derry, derry, down,

All among the leaves so green O!

So the man in common life,

Is an ass made by his wife,

When with namby pamby speeches,

Coaxing him out of his breeches,

Then the ass led by the nose,

Forfeits quiet and repose,

All among the leaves so green O!

Like any mill, her clack ne'er still,

Farewell quiet, -welcome riot :

(Speaks.)-Isn't it so Neddy?-(Brays.)

There, Neddy says yes, -indeed the greatest ass in the

world knows its a common case among married people.

High-down, ho down,

Derry, derry, down,

All among the leaves so green O!

And now, Neddy, without art,

You have play'd your sluggish part,

If from censure you get clear,
I have nothing then to fear,
And before we next appear,

We'll improve, there is no fear,

All to fill up the farcical scene O!

(Speaks.)-What say you Neddy? Will you try to im

prove in your calling.-(Brays.)

There ladies and gentlemen, he says yes; and so far you may depend upon his sincerity, that whatever he says he'll stand to. And now, Neddy,

We must part,--with all my heart,

I to play, you to bray,

High-down, ho-down, &c. A MONOLOGUE,

CALLED

PEEPING TOM'S PEE INTO WORTHING.

Spoken by Mr. Oxberry.

FROM Coventry hither, good folks, I am come;
I am sure you all know me, my name's Peeping Tom,
And odd fellow you'll say, when I've told my odd tale,
Curiosity 'twas brought me down in a mail;
Of Worthing I'd heard of it's prospect so fine,
And the prospect before me I own is divine.

(Bows to the audience.)

It's a woundy gay place. - When I was set down, sir,
I stared like a goose, at the sea and the town, sir;
I grew hungry at last, with my journey quite shaken,
And was pleased on a sign to see Hogsflesh and Bacon.*
I'd heard that the ladies when dipped in the sea,
Were like Venus: -Egad then, as sure as can be,
Says I, they will make a young Curid of me.
I got into a thing, they call a machine,

It look'd just like a house-why what do they mean?
Said I to myself-when the man on the horse
Gave a thumping loud whack - I bawl'd till quite hoarse,
For thinking for certain machine was on fire,
For fear and for fright I began to prespire;
I went in with my small-clothes, my large clothes and hat,
But when I came out I look'd like a dro on'd rat:
If this is call'd bathing, by jingo, said I,
Let them pickle that will, I shall keep my skin dry.
When recover'd and sound, I got out snug and clean,
How the lasses all snigger'd and giggl'd, I ween,
And squinted at me as I walk'd on the Steyne.
I the went to a building the name I can't tell,
Yes-now I remember-it's called a hot-hell:

}

The names of two Innkeepers who lived opposite each other near
Worthing Beach.

The wine it was good, and the dinner was cosey,
I eat and I drank 'till my cheeks were quite rosy;
They gave me for supper nice cutlets of mutton,
And I look'd when in bed like a diamond in cotton.

I went the next morning to see a fine room
At the top of the hill, where I sat on a tomb,*
Call'd for ale and for cyder, for porter and sherry,
When a smart lass came up and said, "Sir you are merry,
"We find no such liquors." --" No liquors, my dear?"
"It's only hot water, good sir, we find here."
"I'm not for hot water," says I, "good young woman,
"Untess mixed with rumbo, with sugar and lemon."
The third day again I began my parade,
And swagger'd so fine on the gay Colonnade;
A smart library too on the beach I survey'd.
To Heen then I set off so merrily prancing,
Tarring, Finden and Sompting, Broad Water and Lancing.
On the sands as I caper'd so spruce and so spunky,
I looked like an angel a-riding a donkey,
But my usual ill fortune attended my vapouring,
My Jerusalem poney 'gan snorting and capering;
I laid hold of his mane, crying, "What are you arter!"
He brayed out, "Aw! Aw!" and plump'd me in the water.
Warwick house is a place I much joy'd at beholding,

Long life to the royal sweet blossom it's holding.t

At the theatre next I with pleasure attended,
Where mirth and good humour are happily blended,
Now, neighbours and patrons, to London I'm streering;
At the top of the coach this wish shall be cheering -
May Worthing increase, still so charming and clever,
Our trade, king, and country, may no foe dissever,
But flourish our army and navy for ever!