Diary of an unemployed Actor. Lady's maid. Mrs. Brett came home one day, and found the Colonel and her servant both fast asleep in two chairs, She tied a white handkerchief round her husband's neck, as a sufficient proof that she had discovered his intrigue, but never at any time took notice of it to him. This incident leads by an easy path to the well-wrought scene of Sir Charles, Lady Easy, and Edging. DIARY OF AN UNEMPLOYED ACTOR, LEAF I. Saturday Morning, 9 o'clock--Rose-not in my profession -dressed-pitted myself against the looking-glass, and found I was engaging though unencaged. Looked at my tongue, expecting to find it feverish, but recollected I had dined the day before at Jack J-nst-e's, where the quantity of wine, of course, could not injure me. Breakfasted without newspapers, and felt the loss of Anthony Pasquin. Sallied out at half-past ten-passed the stagedoor of Drury -honoured with a nod from little We and Us-and thought upon the ward of a poor-house. Borrowed five pounds from Jew Ph--ll--ps - large interest, but own note. Got his son to mend a hole in my toga, for which 1 gave the "uncircumcised dag" a bone I had just picked -up, and kept by me. Met old W-w-z-r-seedy in the extremeseems to be dressing at Appleby. Stumbled on Albion's genuine ballad-singer, piously damning the soap-boiler, for preferring Jews' harps and Scotch fiddles to native talent, and unsophisticated melody-left him preparing to hum" The Yankee Doodle."-Called upon my bosom friend, M-d-e-S-e, but hopped off on account of conversation. -Met Bully R-m-d, puffing and blowing with vexation at his loss of the Opera-house. Surprised at this-called on little K---t, and found his face making up for Autolycus, which he expects a promise of, for the season after next. Fell in, and fell out. with that quin. tessence of good humour, D-wt--n.-Popped into M-II-r's, and found many beaux in Bow-street-С. К--e, Mac-y, L-t-n and B-tt-y; saw the chaste actor, who labours so hard to be easy, in news-room, perusing, with peculiar satisfaction, a critical eulogium, written by himself, upon his own perfor 1 Diary of an unemployed Actor. mance-suited him to a T. -Saw P-c-k poring on a paragraph, which promised well for a melo-drame. Asked Farley's opinion-" BoW-STREET. On Tuesday last a black woman was brought to this office, charged with the wilful murder of het natural child, by throwing it down the"-privy to what follows, but not necessary for disclosure.. Met H-rly, on my return, debating whom he most resembled, B-n-t-r or F-wc-tt.-Perceived R-e. on his tragi-comic horse-rides forcibly, but not fast. Thought his pad's action like My-nd-n's hospitality, a little of which goes a great way. Somebody jumped from a window upon the pavement, and vaulted over my herd. Tom C-e. I find, goes very high.Dined with K-n-a good fellow-Pope joined us -had eleven clean plates-no toast to woodcocks-epicule in dudgeon -K-n imitated Charley-heard many much worse-broke up at half-past ten, and broke down by twelve, but went first to Covent Garden -saw Br-nd-n in the saloon-talked of white satin, and blue ruin laughed at the flats - well worked before and behind the curtain-called at the Coal-hole - found half the company shuttled, and thought Rhodes the greatest man in the house. Ran home, jumped into bed-shuddered at thin blanket -took an opiate in an old " Examiner," and fell asleep till morning. LEAF IH. Sunday. At home all the morning-feverish- thought pensively upon the indigence of my she-parnet (whom I, like a young stork, am supporting)and my own pennyless conditionlooked over " The Poor Gentieman," and "The Distressed Mother."-Ruminated upon the impossibilities of this life, and enumerated two among them, as follows: Is it not as impossible that I, though an actor of much talent-in my own estimation-can ever obtain another engagement at ten pounds per week, as that Charles T-yl-r should be imperfect in " Non nobis," or forget to call at the bar before he departed? Certes, that I shall again become a STAR is more impossible than to ineet with common civility at " The Times" newspaper office, or pay my boot-maker's bill before Christmas. - Thought, however, that "Grieving's a Folly, so dined-queer blow-out, and no Diary of an unemployed Actor. wine took a turn, while Mamma took a nap-sw all the world in the Park-heard of nothing but habeas corpus acts and Don Giovann came home in the mumps -learnt French and the fiddle till eleven-and went to my truckle in a state of comfortable discontent. Monday, ten o'clock - Awakened by the dustman's bellremembered and odd sort of dream-John K-mb-e as Clown at a short notice-threw himself at once into grotesque attitudes, and upon the usual kind indulgence of the spectators, who, after much admiration of many jumps flip flaps, roley-poleys, and hand-sprines, encored his song of the Bull in a China-shop." -Breakfasted upon Saturday's bread-damned stale -like R-yn-ld's jokes-tough toast made me cough showed away at the window-saw Bob Ch tt-rl-y passing by gave me an arch and significant nod, meaning "here goes somebody" decidedly of opinion he doesn't grow--Caught a proprietor crossing towards our door-hoped W-nst-n was coming to propose an engagement-false alarm-watched him into the chandler's shop below stairs, and saw him turn out with two pounds of yellow soap, to be used, no doubt, with economy, by one of the Hayma ket serubs, in decorating that splendid concern for the ensuing season. P-ne called for a speckled pocket-handkerchief I had recently borrowed, and objected to the smell of red herring -civil songster, but too unambitious-would rather eat boiled leg of lamb and French beans, than converse with a sprig ofn bility. -left me in haste, as he dined at home, first, before 12, and at the Freemasons' again by 6-second edition of old Diggy. Dressed and sallied forth-met Mr. T. D-bd-n--asked what he was about, and answered with "about forty-seven" -such quibb ing merits pun-ishment gave me three dozen of undated double orders for the "Shurrey" - spoke of an interesting piece, and said if I felt inclined to come over, my feelings would be quite overcome-laughed very carefully at all his jokes.-м. в. а Manager. Passed a young new-married couple Burning wite ardour from "The Bridal of Flora."-Met Mrs. G-tt-e, so famous for new laid eggs, and gooseberry wine. Stumbled upon two sober actors, with almost as much whimsi Diary of an unemployed Actor. .... cality-P-w-ll and Eg-rt n - pretty decent in their way-one often Thorough-good, while the other might shine in a Barnwell. Ran against Tiddy in Covent-garden market, bargaining for red cabbage, and thought of Little Pickle. Shooled for a dinner at M-th-ws's- worshipped his Garrickiana-P-le of the party cursed comical-high-spirited-and about to let me know "Who's who," - when I discovered - without any "Intrigue"-that there was a "Hole in the Wall," yclept a door, through which I botted without ceremony-cantered homeleapt into my slumbering machine, and reposed on the bosom of Morpheus or, poetry apart, a bed harder than brick-bats, and a bolster of tried inhumanity. LEAF III. 1. Tuesday. - Borrowed a paper and a penny-roll from the public-house--laughed heartily at the report of a recent robbery in the Haymarket Theatre-marked many omissions-some of which should be thus supplied. -N. B. Not improbable that the daily prints, eager to catch at novelty, have, as usual, forgotten correctness. THEATRICAL LOSSES. "Haymarket. Ge C-lm-n, who receives a pension for his active management, not having attended the Theatre, in that capacity, for many seasons past, has lost nothing but himself. Mrs. G-bbs, however, having unluckily left an old propertyriticule in ber dressing-room, it is feared that the last note from Mrs. C-r-y's Cicisbeo may get into circulation, and as that dignified ducal enamorato has suffered too much already from the publication of his correspondence, should such a document be found, its restoration is earnestly requested to the writer, at his next appearance in the manager's box. " Mr. M-ir-s has lost a large quantity of blank orders, pre pared, to annoy his colleagues, for distribution upon one of the few nights when an overflow might be fairly expected. To such lengths will animosity sometimes hurry men, not generally averse to a consideration of their own advantage. 202 ............ Diary of an unemployed Actor. "Poor W-nst-n is dreadfully distressed by the deprivation of a brown paper cap. in which he has been accustomed, for twelve years past, to dabble among the workmen. From extaordinary caution, his hair was but just beginning to show throngh the top of it, and as its value must of course. be made good from the treasury, it is reasonably conjectured, that so severe a loss will weaken many arrangements that have been made for profuse liberality. "Among the company we can trace but little lamentation, and accordingly presume that slight injury has been sustained. It is well known, however, that Mr. M-th-ws has lost his fixed resolution of never setting foot again upon the Haymarket boards, but that Mr. J-n-s continues in possession of his vulgar vivacity, and Mr. T-rry retains all his original propensities- to imitation." Condoled wih J-n K-e on the badness of last benefitlamented the failure of attempt to detain him, and non delivery of concerted speech-recommended Mrs. S-dd-ns's planwou'dn't do, as the blank books, after three months' disappointment, were cut up for writing paper. Sauntered after breakfast to Hookham's-much small ta'krecommended by F.wc-tt to R-'s cousin as a laundress-partly promised to K's relation-Assured by H-y H-s that his concern was in the suds-Heard R-ym-nd's offer was ten thousand for Drury-lane-refused and made manager to keep the secret-Gathered from L-dEx his intention to resign -real loss, if truth, talent, and attention, are valuable-Met the little L-e-um Tr-s-r-r-looking lofty-like the Peak of Teneriffe-successful piece-much merit and more alacrityFound Chris H-nin dudgeon-touched up by A-n-ld, and spelling Macheuth-Congratulated new leader, and glad to hear that Mrs. Suggest was denied admittance to the scenes -Pounced upon G-tt e-praised his great connections- ot invited home-dined upon mutton for venison, and called Perry Champagne- Joined a whist-party in the evening at Chrl-s K-mbl-'s--laughed over the new Richard's success, and his reported recommendation- Quizzed Th-lw-ll's lectures-poetry |