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Drunken Oration.

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to the foot of Lunnun-brdige-splice my vitals if that an't downright navigation and can't be dissolved.

My wife is one of the cleverest men in our parish, she always makes her mutton pies of beef steaks, but she lost her cuckold to spit 'em with, and damn me if I wasn't behind her the whole time. But here was a joke! for the cost of the whole was but five shi lings, and we paid them a crown, but the man that had the cash ran away with the money. I don't like the guillotine, because it takes away one's breath.

My maid says cur Tom cat has pupp'd! the devil she has, says I, and the cat laugh'd. I went t'other day to see Mr. Sharp; who should come in but Mr. Flat. but there's no seeing hm he's s fat, for he hid himself b hind the hair broom. What a happy country do we live in, we all have the lib-liberty of getting d-drunk, and the pip-privilege of paving for it-(I likes fun) so as I was saying, we drove a blind horse into a china shop.

When I was a boy, I always thought I should cut a fine figure in history, and be a great man, and have as many lives as Dr. Johnson, for damn me if I didn't learn the vulgar tougue without grammar. Well, I always reverence an English jury, for their great understanding: my cousin Sam was indicted for a rape, and splice my vitals if they didn't bring it in shesheep sealing.-(Takes up a paper.) - Wanted by the office of ordnance, Whitehall, several ton of brimstone, -the only Dutch merchant to contract with for that, is the devil.

Let me see, my moon informs me, that last Good Friday is next Easter Monday! What a good thing it is to be an accountant: I forgot to remember to tell ye what a wonderful memory I have; I always know, by my wife, when it's high water at Cuckhold's Point; and she will have it the shortest day is too long by a yard and a half; but I am so doatingly fond of her, that if she long'd for arsenic, I'd go ten miles but what she should have it. They can't deceive me in nautical affairs, for I understand Greek as much as Hebrew, and can always find out a tavern in Lunnun by the map of York.

What a fine thing it to be charitable like a bishop; I give a great deal away, but it is always to myself, for there's nobody knows the world better than I do, because as how I have travelled; I've been three times to Bath in a Gravesend boat, and twice to Margate, to bathe and drink water: as for my money, I'm so cunning, I always put that in a tooth-pick case, for fear of the lawyers. But as I study temperance, chastity, and sob-sobriety, I know of n shel-fish better for a man to eat than pigeon pie; so as I have dined, all the other emperors in Europe may go to dinner

Here waiter, waiter, bring me a dish of water, and a glass of coffee, slice me like a lemon and chuck me in. 1 love's good punch. Keep it up, keep it up! Bucks have at ye all. This is life, damme!-(Sings.)

I'm alad full of spunk, thro the garden I reel,
And for tippling, I'm always the sort;
Bowls, glasses, and watchmen my courage all feel,
By the vou'ries of Bacchus I'm taught;
Keep it up, keep it up, with a song let us boast!
For chaunting and drinking's divine!
Fill the bowl with good nectar, I ll give you a toast;
"May we never want women and wine.
(Now I'll go home steadily to the Sha-Shakepeare)
"May we never want women and wine."

PROLOGUE, WRITTEN BY DR. JOHNSON.

SPOKEN BY MR. GARKICK,

When learning's triumph o'er her barbarous foes
First rear'd the stage, mmortal Shakspeare rose;
Each change of many-colour'd life he drew,
Exhausted worlds, and then imagin'd new :

Existence saw him spurn her bounded reign,
And panting Time toil d after him in vain;
His powerful strokes presiding Truth impress'd,

$

And unresisted Passion storm'd the breast.

Then Jonson came, instructed from the school

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To please in method, and invent by rule;
His studio as patience, and laborious art,
Byegular approach, essay'd the heart;
Cold app obation gave the ling'ring bays;
For those who durst not censure, scarce could praise.
A mortal born-he met the general doom,
But left, like Egypt's kings, a lasting tomb.

The wis of Charles found easier ways to fame.
Nor wish'd for Jonson's art, or Shakspeare's flame,
Themseives they studied; as they felt, they writ,
Intrigue was plot, obscenity was wit;
Vice always found a sympathetic friend,
They pleas'd their age, and did not mean to mend.
Yet bards like these aspir'd to lasting praise,
And proudly hop'd to pimp in fu ure days;
Their cause was g-n'ral, their supports were strong,
Their slaves were willing, and their reign was long;
Til shame regain'd the post that Sense betray'd,
And Virtue call'd Oblivion to her aid.

Then, crush'd by rules, and weaken'd as refin'd,
For years, the powers of tragedy declin'd;
From bard to bard the frigid caution crept.
Till Declamation roar'd, while Passion slept::
Yet still did Virtue deign the stage to tread,
Philosophy remind, though Nature fled.
But forc'd, at length, her ancient reign to quit,
She saw great Faustus lay the ghost of Wit;
Exulting Folly hail'd the joyful day.
And Pantomime and Song confirm'd her sway.

But who the coning changes can presage,
And mark the future periods of the stage?
Perhaps if skill and distant times explore,
New Behns, new Durfeys, yet remain in store;
Perhaps where Lear has rav'd and Hamlet died,
On flying cars new sorcerers may ride;
Perhaps (for who can guess th' effects of chance?)
Here Hunt may box, or Mahomett may dance.

A famous stage boxerte

A rope dancer.

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The Barber's- Petition.

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Hard is his lot, that bere by fortune plac'd,
Must watch the wid vicissitudes of taste,
With every meteor of caprice must play,
And chase the new-blown bubbles of the day.
Ah! let not censure term our fate, our choice,
The stage but echoes bak the public voice;
The drama's laws the drama's patrons give.
For we that live to please. mu-t please to live.

Then prompt no more the follies you decry,
As tyrams doom their tools of guilt to die;
"Tis yours, this night, to bid the reign commence,
Of rescu'd Nature, and reviving Sense;
To chase the charms of Sound, the pomp of Show,
For useful Mirth, and salutary Woe;
Bid seenic Virtue form the rising age,

And Truth diffuse her radiance from the stage.

THE BARBER'S PETITION,

A COMIC-PORTIC BAGATELLE:

WITH HIS WHIMSICAL DEFENCE OF WIGS; Particularly the Lover's Wig-the Doctor's Wig-the Counselor's Wig -the Coachman's Wig and his Own Wig. (Speaks without.) -Peace, peace, good wife, or if thy tongue

wont stop,

Keep thou the parlour, and I'll keep the shop.
(Enters.)-So that storm's weatherd, safe now into harbour,
I'm at your service, gents, -(Bows.) - A village barber ;
My name is Joseph, but tis fit you know,
Boys, iu derision, call me barber Joe:
Thus introduced, with leave, I'll lay before ye,
A barber's simple. but unhappy story;
Gents, I am married: -first, let me be sure,
My wife's not list'ning t'other side the door:
No, no, all's safe, she's busied in the charms
Of four fine daughters, and a son in arms;
A fine fat bouncing boy. and wond'rous fair,
As like his daddy, too, as he can stare;:

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The Barber's Petition.

:

The girls all like mamma, and, on my life,
Venus is not much handsomer than my wife;
A happier pair I'am sure there could not be,
Did we not somehow always disagree;
If I am mute, 'tis well; but if I'm bold,
Then she, Lord bless us, is an arrant scold :
'Tis true, at this I should not much repine,
'Tis many a good man's lot, as well as mine;
But when my wife, in bold defiance, dares
To snatch the wig from off my very ears,
My pride can't bear it, I can't then be mute;
The wig-my wig's a serious subject for dispute;
She wants this comely bob, judge, is it fair?
Cast off, and I, a barber too, to dress my hair!
"But no, good wife," cries I, "rather shall Joe
"His lifetime in a flannel night-cap go;
"Rather shall French frizeurs, with foreign face on
"Hang out for sign the barber's pole and bason,
"Than I, a barber, frizzle locks

"On any but my own plain simple blocks." "Pooh!" cries my wife," be quiet, prithee do, "As fashions alter, we must alter too; "Throw by the bob then, Joe, or devil take me, "If once I get fair hold'on't, but I'll make ye Rous'd, I reply'd, No mill-clack sure runs faster "Than that pert tongue of thine, 'gainst lord and master; "Abuse aught else, -- I value it not a fig; "But prithee, wife, remember this, -a wig's a wig!" Excuse my warmth, good folks, 'twixt man and wife, Less things than wigs have caus'd a deal of strife. I keep this shop, and doubtless you'll agree, It were but gratitude the shop kept me; But no, the heads that used to be all bald and bare, Now overgrown are with a fleece of hair: To you, then, I present my just petition, Will you wear wigs, and better my condition? Pray do, good folks, necessity is pressing, Get your heads shav'd, and prithee leave off dressing