my reader see the sable, as well as the shining side of the narrative. It was now toward the spring of the year, and I was extremely poor. My pay being very small, and lodgings very dear, I had much-a-do to live, and keep my family decent and fit to appear at church. It fell out that I bought a piece of bacon, which had entirely emptied my pocket; so that, though I wanted some vegetables to dress with it, I could not purchase any. I was therefore determined to go into a field belonging to my master, in order to steal some turnip-tops to boil with my bacon. I knew my fellow workmen had asked of my master, and he had granted them leave to get what they chose; but I had not asked leave, therefore my getting them was a theft. However, I went to the field; but, while getting over the gate, I was arrested in a most violent manner by my own conscience. I think an army of soldiers could not have stopt me more forcibly than the voice of God's vicegerent within. Indeed I seemed as if I had been taken in a snare. I had no power to move for many minutes. I cried out, What is it? what is it? The answer was, Thou shalt not steal. I replied, My master gave leave to the men to get some vegetables.' The answer came again,You have not asked leave.' I looked about me, to see if I could discern any body speaking; but there was no body; the voice came from within. I sat and reasoned a great while, and was still answered; however, I saw no body. I thought it could be no great crime, therefore I was determined to get them, and accordingly went into the field; but was again rebuffed by the same powerful opposition of my own conscience, which drove me back again to the gate. I now stood and reasoned with myself what this voice and power could be. Whether it was my conscience, or what, I could not tell; but certainly conscience had a hand in it. However, I was resolutely bent upon having the spoil; therefore I said I would inform my master of it the day following. Never was any poor creature more harassed than I was while stealing these things of so little value. I was obliged to gather them as fast as possible, and keep answering the voice, I will acquaint my master of it, I will acquaint, &c. &c.' and then ran off as fast as possible. However, I never did acquaint him. Thus a man's own sin finds him out; Numb. xxxii. 23; or, as Bildad says, steps of his strength shall be straitened, and his own counsel shall cast him down. For he is cast into a net by his own feet, and he walketh upon a snare. The gin shall take him by the heel,The snare is laid for him in the ground, and a trap for him in the way. Terrors shall make him afraid on every side, and shall drive him to his feet," Job xviii. 7—11. "The Indeed extreme poverty is a snare to a man, as well as the abundance of wealth. This, I believe, the pious Agur found, and therefore prayed to be led between the two extremes;-" Give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: lest I be full and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God. in vain," Prov. xxx. 8, 9. I had very sharp work to settle these matters with my conscience; it cost me many a secret groan, and discovered to me much of my own weakness afterwards; but I laboured the harder to rub it off, as I thought, in my old way of working; for I knew nothing of God's method of saving sinners freely by grace, therefore all my labour was but in vain; as it is written, "Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil," Jer. xiii. 23. Having gone on many months with this legal yoke on my neck, labouring in my own strength, and drawing all my hopes of heaven from the law of Moses, which is the ministration of death and condemnation, 2 Cor. iii. 9, it pleased God to strip me of all this self-sufficiency and legal hope in a very astonishing manner; for it came "to pass one evening, as I was sitting by the fireside reading my Bible, I came to these words, "At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you," John xiv. 20. As soon as I had read these words, I began to consider them; Ye in me, and I in you! Alas (said I) what does that mean? I am wrong; my religion is little worth; I know nothing what these words mean; there is something of a sccrecy between Christ and those that he will save, that I am yet ignorant of.' While I was thus musing, behold all the sins that I had ever been guilty of came fresh upon my mind, in all their deformity and malignant appearance, and stood arranged before my mind: even all my crimes from my childhood; so that I possessed the iniquity of my youth, Job xiii. 26. Seeing my sins in such a dreadful light, I began to have fearful apprehensions of God's awful displeasure; and immediately such an intolerable flood of divine wrath was poured forth on my guilty soul, that it swept away all my refuge of lies, Isa. xxviii. 17. This removed all my false hope, drove away all my vain props, and left me without one particle of that sandy foundation which I had laid for myself to stand upon; and down I went into the deep waters, where there was no standing, so that the floods overflowed me, Psal. Ixix. 2; and I feared the pit would shut her mouth upon me, Psal. Ixix. 15. This wrath being so forcibly revealed against me, I began to have very hard thoughts of the Most High; and, what is still worse, a mortal hatred to him, Rom. viii. 7. And immediately the devil was let loose upon me, and violently tempted me to blaspheme and curse the Almighty to his face. I leaped up, with my eyes ready to start out of my head, my hair standing erect, and my countenance stained with all the horrible gloom and dismay of the damned. I cried out to my wife, and said, Molly, I am undone for ever; I am lost and gone; there is no hope nor mercy for me; you know not what a sinner I am; you know not where I am, nor what I feel!' She seemed amazed at my appearance, asked what was the matter; and endeavoured to comfort me; but all in vain; for the very name of mercy is but an aggravation of man's misery when all hope in God is dead. I went to bed, and lay down in sorrow; but there was no rest for me. I thought the bed, the room, yea and every thing else, was running round; and my soul was sinking so fast under the wrath of God, that it was as if I fell a thousand fathoms a minute. I dared not sleep; for, if I did, I thought, like the rich fool, in hell I should lift up my eyes, for I was already in tor ment. At two or three o'clock in the morning I rose up and went down stairs, kneeled down to read the Bible, and attempted to pray; but oh! that |